IOWA BOWHUNTER FALL 2024

BONKER’S WORLD (CONT.) FALL ISSUE

The trip home was as uneventful as the trip down. My truck was ticket free even though I wasn’t close to any of the lines that define a parking spot. If we go again it will be earlier in spring training so my expectations for a win aren’t as high and my disappointment won’t be as bad. Turkey season was a week or so after we got back. As I was packing up my gear the wife spotted me packing the unused W flag. “Snookums, why are you packing the W flag?” “Reasons.” Was my only reply. “Well Snookums, I’m not sure what your reasons are, but I sure won’t have to worry about you getting blood on the flag because knowing you you’ll sleep till noon every day and not get a shot.” Now that hurt, it was more than likely true, but it still hurt. She did add “Snookums” though just to try and soften the blow a little. I have heard that there are seven cardinal sins, one of which I believe is Sloth. I’m not sure what the official interpretation of Sloth is but mine would be something like “Enjoys comfort over hard work.” It is no wonder why my personal guide, who is more of a four cardinal virtues and three theological virtues type of guy gets a little grumpy when I sleep ‘til 0830 and don’t get to my blind until well past 0900 when he is out of the cabin well before sunrise. He would be the antithesis of my definition of Sloth.

True to form, opening day of second season my personal guide and my personal guide in training were out of the cabin by 0500. I just seem to have this innate ability to sleep through all of their preparations. I finally got up around 0830, made it out to my blind around 0915, got the decoys set up and settled in for a modestly comfy wait. As usual I had put on way too many layers. By around 0945 I was too hot so I stood up, slid off on my suspenders and took off my hoodie, then took off my undershirt. I put my hoodie back on and slid the suspenders back up. Something didn’t feel right. Duohhh, I meant to wear the undershirt not my hoodie, so I needed to slide the suspenders back down, take off the hoodie, put the undershirt back on and slide the suspenders back up. Whew, I finally got it right and I sat back down to resume my position in the modestly comfy chair. After I got situated in my chair I peeked out of the blind. After all the commotion of taking off and putting on clothes there was a big tom checking out my ready hen and jake decoys. I grabbed my gun, stuck it out of the blind, watched the tom spin just a bit and I pulled the trigger. It was a few minutes after 1000, the tom was dead and I was done for the season. Less than 45 minutes into it. Like I said, it’s no wonder my personal guide gets a little grumpy when Sloth is rewarded.

It was time to take hero pictures. My personal guide was still suffering his penance somewhere uncomfy, hmmmmm, now I wonder if perhaps I am my personal guide’s penance? An interesting thought….. Anyway, it was time to get the photos for proof of my hunting prowess. I got my bird positioned in the correct spot and hung my W flag behind it being ever so careful not to get turkey blood on it, all though it would be a great addition to the flag but not so good for my marital relationship. I took some photos with my do everything and of course I had to send one to everybody including my lovely wife. I was sure to tell her the flag had remained clean. Hunters in Clayton County killed more deer and more turkeys this past year than any other county, so it is no wonder that the five of us that hunted second season killed birds this year including one father/son double. I had to text my personal guide in training to ask who shot what this year and he felt the need to subtly (his idea of “subtle” is akin to a blow to the head with an axe handle) remind me that I blew a chunk of tail feathers off my bird. I’m still not sure how it happened but from a side shot at the birds head to a big hole in the fan in

the same shot, weird. I have also come to the

conclusion that people who play euchre aren’t smart enough to play with a full deck of cards, or

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